It’s been around for some time and up until now has passed me by.

The Daily Mail Song by Dan and Dan – Brilliant!

Putting it bluntly. Why the fuck would you the perpetual smell of a woman’s vagina following you around your-day-to-day-life?

But who are we to get into the minds of those who do. Introducing Vulva. A new scent developed in Germany (they bloody love sex don’t they) designed to imitate the smell that emanates from the lady’s sacred and most revered area.

Like any good perfume it comes in a well-designed package and (according to its developers) is designed for arousal purposes. I’d make a point of declaring to your missus you’re taking a chance on Vulva before you go anywhere without her. This would avoid having to explain why the hell you smell of fanny when you come back from a night out. Crack Magazine.

What next the scent of sperm? What a load of bollocks – pun intended.

I guess you won’t find this double entendre chicken soup in your local supermarket – if you have need of some cock you can buy it at The Asian Cook Shop for just 69 pence.

Oh that’s enough of my silly attempt at humour.

Unhappy Hipsters raids the pages of design magazines – well the American magazine Dwell to be accurate – and adds wry captions.

Hat Tip: Very Short List.

Trouble is Labour Won’t be Much Better.

Cartoon source: Steve Bell, The Guardian.

We’ve all seen how Google tries to guess what you’re thinking before you’ve finished typing into its search box by giving us a drop down box to select from – sometimes things don’t quite goes as planned for instance type in “I really” and you get:

In case you can’t quite read my image it says “I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight”. More faux pas at Autocomplete Me.

Hat Tip: Johnny Dee, The Guardian.

I found this story that’s in almost every UK tabloid rather amusing.

A family who tried to lure back a lost dog by leaving a trail of their urine on streets near their home have been criticised by the city council.

The Baltesz family, of Clifton, Bristol, lost their 10-year-old pet labrador Simon on the night of 4 July.

When Simon failed to return, the family chose their unorthodox method.

Louise Baltesz, 43, said the whole family had been “chipping in” to help lay down the scent trail.

She said she was aware of criticism aimed at the family, but they were willing to do anything to get Simon back.

She said: “I do feel mad doing it, but I’m driven to desperate measures”.

“Apparently it’s quite a normal way of doing it. You just put a little bit in a bottle and then top it up with water”.

“You put some smelly food down, they come towards the food and then catch the scent [of the urine]. You only have to do it once. We’ve left two trails.”

The family have put up “missing” posters and have received several possible sightings of Simon, who is described as “not very approachable” and naturally timid.

But a vet at a nearby practice was less than optimistic the plan would succeed.

Ian Wills, from the nearby Zetland Veterinary Hospital in Bristol, said: “I think it’s an interesting idea but I would be pleasantly surprised if it worked”.

“When a dog wanders off from home they will generally wander back when they have had enough.”

“If the dog was going to follow the owner’s scent it would be from something they wore, like a jumper. Unless they have an incontinence problem.” BBC.

Unsurprisingly we can think up a whole load of jokes like the Mirror’s headline Wee Want Him Back or I can just imagine the scene in any town centre on a Friday or Saturday night “Officer I’m not peeing in the street I’m laying a scent trail to lure my dog back home” – OK I’m no comic so I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

Over in the US there’s been an outcry regarding a photo Michelle Obama’s serving mushroom risotto at a Washington soup kitchen to man in the queue who’s photographing Mrs Obama with his mobile phone. People want to know how can a man who’s homeless and can’t afford to buy food has a mobile phone.

I think it’s time we made the poor do their fair share and stop trying to soak the rich. Before we give the poor one cent more, they should be forced to prove that they have really hit rock bottom by selling everything they have, including their cell phones, flat-screen TVs, fancy clothes, cars and furniture. I know that if I became poor, the first thing I would do after putting the cat to sleep and pawning Mrs. Swift’s wedding ring would be to sell my cell phone at the very least. And I certainly wouldn’t expect to eat mushroom risotto. If we stopped making it so enjoyable to be poor, maybe we would have fewer lazy, greedy people who are just dying to live in poverty and leech off of the rest of us. Indeed, the reason for our economic decline may be that so many people want the benefits of being poor that they are dragging the economy down with them. We need to stop this rush to be poor before it is too late. So the First Lady should stop visiting soup kitchens and serving them gourmet food, which just encourages them. Only by making poverty less enticing can we hope to save our economy. Jon Swift.

Jon Swift’s parody’s brutally close to the truth of many right-wingers thinking – right-wingers and thinking – isn’t that an oxymoron?

Hat Tip: donpaskini.